In some cultures, surnames are seen as a family's history and heritage. Yi-Min Qi, a woman from Canberra, says not changing her surname is a sign of respect for her family. She told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, "I'm not changing my name after I get married. The reason is simple: I was born and raised in China, and I fully identify as Chinese, even though I now live in Australia."
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02-08, 2025Ms. Qi and her British-Australian fiancé plan to marry next year. She believes her name represents her origins and cultural background. "I think my parents would be very upset if I changed my name," she said. Associate Professor Pan Wang, from the University of New South Wales, who specializes in Chinese and Asian studies, said that in certain periods of ancient China, women would typically take their husband's surname.
But this is no longer common for a variety of reasons, including the introduction of China's first Marriage Law in 1950. "In order to promote gender equality, the Chinese government introduced this law, which gave men and women equal rights to use their own surnames after marriage," Dr. Wang said. But Dr. Wang pointed out that behind the scenes, patriarchal values still influence people's choices regarding surnames. "Most surnames are inherited from the father's side," she said.
Dr. Wang says this is why some Chinese women add their husband's surname to their name, but still keep their own. She said that in some parts of China and Taiwan, women are also more inclined to take their husband's surname. "This is more common in the Hong Kong and Macau Special Administrative Regions of China," she said. "It's a mixed result of Chinese history and the influence of Western family systems."
Mai Lam, a 32-year-old Vietnamese woman from Melbourne, says that it is also common in Vietnamese culture for women not to take their husband's surname after marriage. But Ms. Lam has other reasons – she has a 10-year career in banking. "I've built an entire career using my name, and I've obtained multiple degrees," she said. "Changing it would make me feel like all my hard work is invalid and doesn't belong to me."
Andrea Hartoyo, an Indonesian woman living in Calgary, Canada, married her husband a few months ago and decided to keep her name for similar reasons. "I obtained two degrees with my name, so I see it as an achievement," said the 34-year-old marketing and communications manager. While many Indonesians do not have surnames, and there is no legal requirement to have one, Hartoyo says her surname is "very unique". "Especially in Canada where I live, you won't find many people with the same last name as me," she said.
Hartoyo says that in the future, she and her husband will add each other's surnames to their names and hyphenate them. "That way, when our children are born, they will have both of our names," she said. Nidhi Doshi's husband initially suggested they both hyphenate their names as well. But the 32-year-old Indian woman, who lives in Denver, Colorado in the US, said it "didn't feel right". "I just think we're both separate individuals with our own identities."
In India, naming conventions vary depending on an individual's religious beliefs and where they were born. A person's surname often reflects their community, family, caste, or hometown. If parents believe their surname has higher status due to its association with a particular community or caste, they may expect their children to "respect" the name by not changing it. Ms. Doshi said her parents were "happy and proud" of her decision to keep her surname.
But Ms. Doshi and her husband still haven't decided what to do when they have children. She said she wants to give their children "an Indian first name," plus her husband's Anglo surname. "My surname can be their middle name," she said. "That way, even if they only use their first and last names, both their Indian and American heritage will be respected."
But for some, giving up their surname is an easy choice. Steffy, an Indian woman living in New York, met her Jamaican-Chinese partner at university in 2015. Before they married in 2023, Steffy said she had no connection to her surname, Thomas. "It felt culturally devoid," she said.
"Thomas" is a common surname in Christian families in the southern Indian state of Kerala, and it had no "cultural or religious significance" for Steffy. Her estranged relationship with her parents also influenced her decision to change her name. "At the time, I didn't want it to connect me to them. It seemed like an easy choice to make," she said. "My husband was supportive of whatever decision I made, but he was happy that I took his surname. He made sure I wasn't hurting myself by doing it."
Since getting engaged, Steffy says her parents have "been unhappy" about her decision. "They have made a lot of racist comments about my partner's mixed-race identity. They would tell me to take my time and 'keep looking'," Steffy said. Steffy says many Indian women are expected to take their husband's surname, and pointed out the irony of her parents telling her to do the opposite. "My mum told me that in 'modern times', you don't need to change your name," she said. But she believes her mother told her that because she disapproved of her husband being of Jamaican and Chinese heritage.
Ms. Qi says her fiancé's family respected her decision not to take their surname. "His mother asked me twice. When I answered 'no', she was a bit surprised," she said. "But after I explained, she respected my reasons. My fiancé is also very supportive of my choice." Ms. Qi added that she believes whether or not a person should change their surname should be an individual choice. "I believe when a child is born, the name is fully theirs. There is no right or wrong in this matter."
