We have been waiting 18 years': Joy as Thailand legalises same-sex marriage

Thailand's long-awaited same-sex marriage law officially took effect on Thursday, and police officer Phisit “Kai” Sirisrihirunachai hoped to be among the first to marry his long-term partner Chanathip “Jane” Sirisrihirunachai. Approximately 180 same-sex couples were scheduled to register their marriages at one of Bangkok's most luxurious shopping malls, an event organized with the assistance of city officials to celebrate this legal milestone.

“We’ve been preparing for this for a long time, just waiting for the law to catch up and support us,” said Phisit. The two men have been together for seven years. To formalize their relationship, they had already visited a Buddhist monk who gave them an auspicious new surname to share—Sirisrihirunachai. They also asked local officials to issue a letter of intent, which both signed, pledging to marry.

What they really dreamed of, they said, was for their union to be recognized by Thai law. This means LGBTQ+ partners now have the same rights as any other couple to become engaged and married, manage their assets, inherit, and adopt children. They can make medical decisions if their partner is sick or incapacitated, or extend financial benefits, like Phisit’s government pension, to their spouse. “We want to build our future together—build a house, start a business together, maybe open a cafe,” Phisit added, listing all that the law allows. “We want to build our future together and take care of each other.”

Phisit said he had the full support of his colleagues at the police station and hopes he can encourage others working in government to be open about their sexual orientation: “They should feel encouraged because they can see there are no negative consequences to us being out, only positive responses.” As a younger couple, Phisit and Chanathip (both in their 30s) have faced fewer hurdles than those who came out much earlier. But for their community, it has been a long journey. Despite Thailand’s high tolerance for LGBTQ+ people, activists say they waged a sustained campaign to win legal recognition.

“We have waited 18 years for this day—a day when everyone can openly acknowledge us, and we no longer need to avoid or hide,” said 59-year-old Lenthiva Tangkanopast, who will marry her partner of 18 years in May. She had been married to a gay man, arranged by her family, and her husband later died. She had a daughter through in vitro fertilization, but after her husband’s death, she took time off and later helped run one of Bangkok’s earliest gay bars. Then she met Panrawee, now 45, who goes only by her first name. On Valentine’s Day in 2013, the two women went to the Bang Rak district office in central Bangkok, asking to be officially married—a popular spot for marriage registration because the name means “city of love” in Thai.

At the time, LGBTQ+ couples began challenging the official view of marriage as a heterosexual partnership by trying to get marriage certificates at district offices. About 400 heterosexual couples waited with them that day. Lenthiva and Panrawee were turned away, and the Thai media ridiculed their efforts, using a derogatory slur for lesbians. Still, activists managed to persuade the government to consider changing the marriage laws. A proposed civil partnership bill was submitted to parliament, offering same-sex couples some official recognition, but not the same legal rights as heterosexual couples.

In 2014, a military coup that overthrew the elected government interrupted the movement. It took another decade for parliament to approve full marriage equality, partly because of the rise of younger, progressive political parties that championed the cause. Their message resonated with the Thai people, and attitudes had changed. By then, same-sex marriage had been legalized in many Western countries, and same-sex relationships had become normalized in Thai culture. Such was the support for the law that it passed by an overwhelming majority last year, with 400 votes in favor and just 10 against. Even in the Senate, known for its conservatism, only four people opposed the law.

Couples like Lenthiva and Panrawee now have the chance to have their love for each other recognized without the risk of public ridicule. “With this law, the legitimacy of our family has arrived. We are no longer seen as freaks just because our daughter isn’t raised by heterosexual parents,” Lenthiva said. The new law removes gender-specific terms such as man, woman, husband, and wife from 70 sections of Thailand’s Civil Code covering marriage, replacing them with neutral terms such as individual and spouse.

However, dozens of laws and regulations in Thailand have yet to be made gender-neutral, and same-sex couples still face hurdles in using surrogacy to start families. Under Thai law, parents are still defined as a mother and a father. The law also does not allow people to use their preferred gender on official documents; they are still bound by the gender they were assigned at birth. Activists say these are areas where they still need to push for change. Still, it is a historic moment for Thailand, an outlier in Asia in recognizing marriage equality. It is especially significant for older couples who had to live through a shift in attitudes.

“I really hope people can let go of the old stereotype that gay men cannot have true love,” said Chakrit “Ink” Vaddhanavirat, who is in his 40s along with his partner, Prin, and they have been together for 24 years. “We two have proven that we have gone through thick and thin for more than 20 years and truly love each other,” Chakrit said. “We have been ready to take care of each other since day one. We are no different from heterosexual couples.” While Chakrit’s parents accepted their relationship quickly, it took Prin’s parents seven years to come around.

The couple also wants to share their jointly run production business and other assets as a married couple, so they asked Prin’s parents to officially adopt Chakrit so he could have the same family name. Prin said the new law provides welcome legal clarity. “For example, now when a same-sex couple buys something together—a big-ticket item—they can’t share ownership of it,” Prin said. “If one of us dies, our jointly earned property can’t be passed on to the other. That’s why marriage equality is so important.” Prin said that today, both sets of parents treat them like any other married children.

Their parents even help them when they have relationship issues like other couples. “My dad even started reading gay magazines to understand me better. It was so cute to see that,” Bangkok-based Thanyarat Doksone and Ryn Jirenuwat contributed reporting.