Dating apps could be in trouble – here's what might take their place - Voice of Asia

After a year of dating, Jessie and Nate got engaged on a beach. "It was a golden beach, empty and secluded, just the two of us, very private," recalled Jessie, 26. However, the couple was actually hundreds of miles apart, and their engagement took place in the video game World of Warcraft. This unique engagement highlights how shared digital experiences can forge meaningful connections.

Nate, 27, lives just outside London, while Jessie is in Wales. The two began a long-distance relationship after briefly meeting at an e-sports event in Germany in March 2023, and they played games together "from waking up to going to sleep." Although the couple has lived in Manchester since March 2024, they still play games together every day. They also know other couples who have found partners through video games, suggesting a growing trend. "It's a different way of getting to know someone," Jessie said. "You already have a strong common interest in something, and it's easier to fall in love."

Nate agreed. "I was able to make more connections with people in games than with people I met on dating apps." Nate and Jessie are not alone. Some experts believe that their generation is moving away from dating apps and looking for love on platforms not specifically designed for romance. Hanging out in online spaces focused on shared interests or hobbies can allow people to find partners in a less stressful, lower-stakes environment than marketing themselves to a group of strangers. For some digital native Gen Zers, it seems that simply doing what they enjoy can replace the constraints of "swiping."

According to data from the Pew Research Center, online dating has fundamentally changed our relationships since match.com launched 30 years ago. About 10% of heterosexual people and 24% of LGBT people met their long-term partners online. However, there is evidence that young people are abandoning dating apps. A report released by the British communications regulator Ofcom in November 2024 showed that the number of users of the top ten dating apps in the UK fell by nearly 16%. The report said that Tinder lost 594,000 users, Hinge reduced 131,000 users, Bumble reduced 368,000 users, and Grindr reduced 11,000 users. (A Grindr spokesperson said they were "unfamiliar with the source data for this study" and said their UK users "continue to grow year-on-year.")

A 2023 Axios study of American college students and other Gen Zers showed that 79% said they were giving up regular use of dating apps. Ofcom said in its 2024 Online National Report: "Some analysts speculate that the novelty of dating apps is wearing off for young people, especially Gen Z." Match Group Inc., which owns Tinder and Hinge, acknowledged in a letter to shareholders in January 2024 that young people are seeking "a less pressured, more authentic way to connect." This shift indicates a desire for more genuine interactions.

Carolina Bandinelli, an associate professor at the University of Warwick whose research focuses on romantic digital technology, said: "The idea of using common interests to meet someone is not new, but it is being reinvented at this particular point in time - which shows the aspirations of Gen Z." Danait Tesfay, a 26-year-old marketing assistant from London, said that young people are looking for alternatives to dating apps, "whether it's games, running clubs or extracurricular clubs, where people can meet other like-minded people and eventually develop romantic connections." These alternative avenues offer a more organic approach to finding love.

While membership in some dating apps appears to be declining, platforms based on shared interests are attracting more users. For example, the fitness app Strava now has 135 million users - according to the company, its monthly active users grew by 20% last year. Other so-called "affinity-based" websites have seen similar growth: Letterboxd, where movie fans can share reviews, said its community grew by 50% last year. Just as couples might have met at sports clubs or movie theaters before the Internet age, singles can now find each other in their online equivalents. This highlights the enduring appeal of connecting through shared passions.

Luke Brunning, co-director of the Center for Love, Sex and Relationships (CLSR) at the University of Leeds, said: "People will always connect because of common interests, but these online communities give it a digital form. It is becoming increasingly difficult to distinguish between behavior on a dating app and dating behavior on another platform." Hobby apps are also adopting some of the features of social media: in 2023, Strava launched a messaging feature that allows users to chat directly. A 20-something from London explained that her friends use it to flirt with people they like, initially by liking the running routes they post on the platform. Strava said its data shows that one in five active Gen Z members have dated someone they met through a fitness club. This integration of social and hobby features blurs the lines between platforms.

"(Online) fitness communities are becoming an important place to find a partner," said Nichi Hodgson, author of The Curious History of Dating. She said that one of her friends met his partner this way, and they now live together. The same seems to be true for Letterboxd. With users like Chappell Roan and Charli XCX, it is a popular platform among young people - in a survey of 5,000 members, two-thirds were under the age of 34. The company said it knows of several couples who met through the app, including a couple who bonded over their shared love of David Fincher's controversial 2020 drama Mank. "Maybe seeing someone else's taste in movies reveals something interesting about themselves," said Letterboxd co-founder Matthew Buchanan. These niche communities foster connections based on genuine shared interests.

So, what is driving this trend? While dating apps initially seemed to offer an "illusion of choice" and a transparent, efficient way to meet partners, for many, the reality often proves otherwise. The Pew Research Center found that 46% of dating app users said their overall experience was very or somewhat negative. The recent decline in users may also be related to the structure of some apps - especially the swipe feature launched by Tinder in 2013 to select potential partners, which has been widely copied. This dissatisfaction with dating apps is pushing users towards alternative platforms.

Its creator, Jonathan Badeen, was partly inspired by experiments conducted by research psychologist B.F. Skinner in the 1940s, in which he trained hungry pigeons to believe that food randomly delivered to a tray was caused by their actions. Eventually, the sliding mechanism faced strong opposition. "Ten years ago, people were enthusiastic and would talk openly about which apps they were on. Now, the Tinder model is outdated, and many young people no longer want to swipe," Ms. Hodgson said. Mr. Brunning believes that the gamified interface of many dating apps is offensive. "Intimacy becomes easy for you, fun in the short term, but the more you play, the more disgusting you feel." This highlights the growing disillusionment with the superficiality of traditional dating apps.

Professor Brian Heaphy of the University of Manchester, who studied dating app usage during and after the lockdown, said that the pandemic may have also had an impact: "During the COVID-19 pandemic, dating apps themselves became more like social media - because people couldn't meet, they were looking for different things." While this did not continue after the pandemic, it "gave people a sense that it could be different than just swiping and getting no response - all the negative factors of dating app culture," Professor Heaphy said. In this context, the fact that video games or online communities like Strava or Letterboxd are not designed for dating may be attractive. By attracting users for broader reasons, the pressure of each interaction is reduced. This shift reflects a desire for more authentic and less transactional connections.

"These apps don't offer a commercialized form of romance, so they may seem more authentic," Professor Heaphy said. It's a connection without the burden of expectations. Another couple who met in World of Warcraft - named Watch and Purple Pixels - were not looking for love. "I definitely wasn't playing online games to find a partner," Watch said. But despite initially being in opposing teams or guilds, their characters started a conversation. "We chatted all night until dawn, and in the end, I actually left my guild and joined his," Purple Pixels said. Within three years, Watch quit his job and moved from Italy to the UK to live with her. This illustrates how genuine connections can form unexpectedly in non-dating environments.

"While some dating apps may bring out the worst behavior, these other online spaces may have the opposite effect because people are sharing what they like," Ms. Hodgson said. Due to these structural factors, she believes the recent decline in numbers is not temporary. "This will continue until dating apps figure out how to put humanity back in." However, dating apps are not giving up without a fight. A spokesperson said that Hinge still "arranges a date every two seconds"; Tinder said that a relationship starts on its platform every three seconds, and nearly 60% of its users are between the ages of 18 and 30. In fact, these apps seem to be embracing the shift to shared interest platforms, launching niche alternatives, including apps based on fitness, vegetarianism, dog ownership, and even facial hair. Dating apps are adapting to the changing preferences of users.

They are also constantly evolving to encourage different types of interaction. On Breeze, users who agree to be set up on a date are not allowed to message each other before meeting; Jigsaw hides people's faces and only removes pieces to reveal the full photo after a certain number of interactions. Professor Heaphy believes that this means it is too early to declare the death of dating apps. "There are now so many diverse dating apps that the numbers of the biggest ones are not the key metric," he said. "In terms of overall membership, it may actually be similar to before." This diversification suggests a resilience and adaptability within the dating app landscape.

There is also a downside to people going to more general interest apps to find love - people may not want to be hit on when they just want to talk about books. At least dating apps make their purpose clear. In an increasingly online world, the solution to improving relationships may not just be going offline. Instead, apps that can provide experiences closer to the best interactions in real life, while also tapping into the possibilities of digital, may also show a path forward. Mr. Brunning said that as artificial intelligence is about to be integrated into dating apps, we are "on the cusp of something new." "It's going to be interesting to see whether we end up with apps specifically for dating, or something more fluid?" The future of dating may involve a blend of specialized and integrated platforms.

He pointed to China's more versatile platforms. "People use them for chatting, community events, and doing business on them - they can also be dating platforms, but they're not usually specifically for dating." Meanwhile, the interactions that may take place in less mediated communities like World of Warcraft may offer more opportunities to build connections than conversations initiated by swiping. Jessie and Nate's engagement on a beach in the game may not have been real, but the couple hopes to change that soon. "It's just a matter of time, really. We need to get some things done on the checklist, and then she'll get her ring," Nate said. And there will still be game elements. The blending of virtual and real-life experiences continues to shape relationships.

"You can role-play a wedding," Jessie said. "So it would be fun to gather all our friends together in the World of Warcraft Cathedral and we can have a wedding ceremony." This highlights the enduring appeal of shared virtual experiences in celebrating relationships.