Sir Gareth Southgate: Boys need role models, not gaming and porn

2025-03-19 01:59:00

Abstract: Southgate warns young men are too reliant on online influences & unhealthy habits. He urges resilience, citing his '96 penalty miss as a learning experience.

Sir Gareth Southgate, the former England men's football manager, has expressed his concern that young men are spending too much time on gaming, gambling, and watching pornography, and that they need better role models than just online influencers.

During the BBC's annual Richard Dimbleby Lecture, Sir Southgate spoke extensively about his experience of missing a crucial penalty in the 1996 European Championships, stating that he did not allow it to break him. He said, "That pain still haunts me, and I imagine it always will."

Drawing on his own experiences, Sir Southgate stated that the UK needs to do more to encourage young people, especially young men, to make the right choices in life and not be afraid of failure. He expressed concern that many young men are not seeking guidance from teachers, sports coaches, or youth group leaders, but are instead turning to the internet, where they find a new type of role model, but these role models are often not genuinely concerned with their best interests.

"These are ruthless, manipulative, and harmful influencers whose only motivation is their own self-interest," he said. "They are willing to deceive young men into believing that success is measured by money or dominance, that being strong means never expressing emotions, and that the whole world, including women, is against them."

Sir Southgate recalled the experience of missing a crucial penalty in the 1996 European Championship semi-final, when England lost to Germany. He said in the lecture, "Missing that penalty was undoubtedly a watershed moment that made me stronger and a better person. It forced me to dig deep and reveal inner beliefs and resilience that I never knew I had." He contrasted his own miss with Eric Dier's successful penalty kick against Colombia in 2018. At that time, under Sir Southgate's leadership, England won their first ever World Cup penalty shootout.

The mentality of England players has changed in the 22 years since. He said, "In 1996, I walked towards the penalty spot believing I would miss. In 2018, Eric walked towards the penalty spot believing he would score."

Sir Southgate's career included playing for Crystal Palace, Aston Villa, and Middlesbrough, and he was selected for the England team from 1995 to 2004. He took over as manager in 2016 and led the team to the 2018 World Cup semi-finals, the 2022 World Cup quarter-finals, and the 2020 and 2024 European Championship finals. Sir Southgate is credited with revitalizing the England team and was awarded a knighthood in December.

Sir Southgate's speech focused on the importance of belief and resilience for young men, and he listed three elements needed to build these qualities: identity, connection, and culture. He cited a report that said boys and young men are in "crisis," with an "alarming" increase in the number not in education, employment, or training.

"Too many young men feel isolated," Sir Southgate said in his speech. "Too many don't feel comfortable opening up to friends or family. Many don't have mentors – teachers, coaches, bosses – who understand how best to push them to grow. So, when they struggle, young men inevitably try to deal with whatever situation they find themselves in alone."

"Young men end up retreating, unwilling to speak or express their emotions," he added. "They spend more time online looking for direction and fall into unhealthy substitutes like gaming, gambling, and pornography." He also said that young men do not have enough opportunities to fail and learn from their mistakes. "It seems to me that if we make life too easy for young boys now, we inevitably make life harder for them as young men later," he said. "Too many young men face the risk of being afraid to fail precisely because they rarely get the chance to experience and overcome it. They don't try, rather than try and fail."

The former footballer also reflected on what his career has taught him about belief and resilience. "If I have learned anything from my football career, it is that success is about far more than the final score," he said. "True success is how you react in the toughest moments."